Crumbling Pieces
by essitjuh
Summary: I was underneath him feeling vulnerable, but too far gone to care. Hi, I'm Hinamori Amu, and from this moment on... I probably started throwing my life away.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys,

It's me essitjuh again... i started a new story after i noticed that a fruits song was not going that well. It's on hiatus for a while

this time my work was checked by the author of Everthing I'm Not. Her name is Gwen. She's an amazing author and writes

amazing in her unique style. Please check her out. (i must say her stories are mature! Reallly... mature).

With this story i want everyone to know that i'm serious about writing and do not post any stupid story that comes to my head.  
this story is very important to me.

I hope you enjoy this story and stay with me until end.

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------() Present Amu POV ()------

I was kissing him as if there was no tomorrow. I licked his bottom lip begging for entrance, which he gladly provided.

When we moved over to the bed of the motel room, he started undressing me. I loved those the gentle touches he gave on every single inch of my skin. I probably slipped out a moan. There is a possibility that I tried to stop this, but I don't remember any struggling. He wouldn't have paid attention to my possible pleas anyway.

He moved so that he was on top of me holding his weight with his arms. I was underneath him feeling vulnerable, but too far gone to care.

Hi, I'm Hinamori Amu, and from this moment on...

I probably started throwing my life away.

------() Past Amu POV ()------

It all started eleven years ago. Since I am nineteen now, it means that I was eight when it happened.

My aunt and my mom had a huge argument and I still don't know why. I figured it was because of something big. My dad told my mom he had hoped their marriage would survive because the bond he had with his sister was very important to him. I was at this point too young to get what was happening.

What I do know is... my parents were always fighting. I've heard the threats of divorce.

I, at this point a nine year old, did not want this to happen. I made up lots of plans to keep them together. I've faked illnesses and have threatened to hurt myself. These plans helped temporarily, but they would always end up at the same spot - at the verge of a divorce.

When I turned eleven, the pressure on my mother became too heavy on her and we moved in with my grandparents. I gave up and... just didn't care anymore. I wanted the fights to stop. So here I was.

My mom was diagnosed with a depression and never left the house ever since.

On the thirteenth of June I came over after school and noticed that no one was home. After a few hours, some cops came to my grandparent's house, telling me that they had found my mother's body in some lake I've forgotten the name of. They just assumed it was a suicidal death. Whatever happened after that I can't remember.

I was bound to live with my father again because I was too young to decide it on my own. I would be able to live with my grandparents when I would turn twelve. Though coincidentally, they died in a car accident the day before my birthday.

The next few years were the hardest. My dad and I fought several times and I fell into a depression just like my mother. I wished that I could be with my mother again. I was thirteen when I started cutting myself. Every time I did it, I cut deeper; until one day I cut too deep and ended up in the hospital. That was three years later, making me sixteen then.

When I was released from the hospital, my dad was not there to pick me up.

That moment was when something snapped inside me and I just left my home. I took a lot of money with me and I didn't care that I stole. My life was already screwed anyway.

I took a plane to the Netherlands. I decided I'd try to turn my life around for the better.

I would be living in Almere, a city in the Netherlands. It was hard to adjust to the new environment at first. The first time I read something Dutch such as,_ leuk je te ontmoeten_ (this means nice to meet you), I was not even trying to pronounce that.

I decided to study at the PABO. This is a school that teaches you to be an elementary school teacher. I loved children, so maybe this wouldn't be hard on me. I just had to study the Dutch language and earn some extra money to be able to pay for the expenses. This took about two years.

I'm nineteen now and when I started my first year, my class was existing of fifteen people. They were all kinds of people. I became best friends with two of them.

Yaya was the biggest of us three. She had no tact at all, but she's nice.

Rima was my best bud. We share everything together. I related to her; she was also being under the pressure of a depression.

Anne was nice too, considering she's very straightforward and my age.

Sandra was the crazy girl of this class. She was, no doubt, but that's what I like about her. She's getting married in the summer.

Jeane was the one who quit school in the very beginning of the year.

Hailey quit school two weeks ago.

Sarah was a bitch. At first I was friends with her, but something just snapped between us.

Eric was friends with Anne and Sandra. He's a cool guy.

Jill was one of us until a few weeks back. She just left us for Sarah.

Jim was the gay one. He flirted with every single girl and he kept denying he was gay. He was so annoying.

Linda, Rose and Kate have been with each other since the beginning of the year. I, myself, don't know much about them.

Lisa was nice; I thought her laugh was hysterical.

Well these people are in my class or have been.

Yaya and Rima are the nicest people I have ever met in my entire life. We always had fun. The only thing was that they teased me about sex so many times. I was still a virgin, but I think that I have enough listening experience to be a pro. I basically know everything thanks to them.

Now one half year later today, I heard that my father was on death row. They seem to have found some evidence that says that he could have killed my mother and my grandparents. The execution will be in three months. Wanting to release my pain, I went to a club. I drank so much and fell in the arms of an handsome young stranger. I didn't even know his name.

------() Present Normal POV ()------

They screamed in unison as they climaxed together. Amu fell asleep immediately, or maybe she had passed out. The stranger dressed himself and went over to her side of the bed.

"I'm so sorry I used you like this."

He lifted her hair and took a glance at her cute face. He gave her a small kiss on her fore head.

"I hope we will never run into each other again. I know you don't deserve to have a life as miserable as mine."

With that said, the handsome stranger left the motel room leaving Amu by herself.

And that moment Amu's life would take drastic turns, throwing her life away.

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I would like to thank my beta. I'm also dedicating this story to her. Love you Gwen.

Okay peepz. I love you and I hope you loved my story.

Push that lovely button and tell me what you think of it =D

with love... Essitjuh


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone,

So sorry about the wait. It's just that my beta was in her exams and since I didn't want to bother her with stupid stories, I decided to put the story on hiatus for a little while until she was finished. Which is now.

Why didn't I tell in an authors note?

I just plain forgot.... sorry.

Well i made the chapter extra big for you this is my biggest chapter so far =)

Hope you enjoy =)

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Amu's POV

I was walking towards a bench when I noticed that my cell was ringing. "Hello? Amu here."

The next thing I knew was that I was being attacked by my two best friends over the phone. They were screaming about some extremely hot guy that appeared to be new.

"Yeah. I get it, I'll come right now. WAIT A MINUTE! You didn't wait for me?"

I was pouting for a second but I remembered they couldn't even see me.

"Yeah, yeah I understand I'll be there in five minutes."

Long/story short.

They left without me because I seemingly was ten minutes late. I checked my watch and... holy fuck, if I didn't run I would be late for class!

I arrived class three minutes before it started and I had to stand still for a second to catch my breath. It seemed that my heavy breathing was drawing some attention. Everyone was staring at me.

"Could you stop staring at me? It's not like you've ever had to catch your breath after a long and fast run."

I was a bit annoyed by these people now.

Then suddenly something hit me. Was my skirt all right? It seemed to be. Oh no... they couldn't have noticed that I've had sex last night, right? Am I not behaving any different? My mom, before all the drama, once told me that when you first sleep with someone it felt like everybody in the world could sense it.

I decided to go to the place where my friends and I usually met up. Before I could even reach the damn place I could hear a fit of giggles coming from it.

"Guys, what's so funny? I haven't arrived yet," I said that with a funny voice because that was always one of our jokes.

When I turned around the corner I saw the cause of the giggles. Next to Rima was an extremely attractive guy.

"Hi guys, tell me... who's your friend?"

"Amu, are you alright?"

Both Rima and Yaya shot a concerned look in my direction.

God, was it that obvious?

"Yes! I'm fine! Now tell me who he is!" I was honestly curious because... damn! This guy was smoking hot.

"You'll have to wait and find out for yourself in our next class," the unknown boy said with an husky voice.

Suddenly I felt a rush going trough my body. His voice sounded so familiar to me. I took a glance at him. What I saw was something I did not expect. Was he… glaring at me?

I noticed that the class door had opened and I proceeded trough the door, with Rima and Yaya following me close behind.

I couldn't help but take another glance at the guy, but he wasn't there.

"Yaya, is that guy in our class?" I asked as softly as I could.

Yaya replied with a yes but she had no clue why he didn't follow us.

The classroom was filling up and eventually everyone was in the room.

The teacher started talking.

"Class I know this is sudden and rare but from now on you'll have a new classmate. His name is Tsukiyomi Ikuto." The teacher gestured to the door, which revealed the hot guy.

His handsome face and lean structure captured the eyes of everyone in the classroom.

Thank God that my reaction was some sort of normal.

Too bad the teacher told him that he had to sit next to me. When he reached me, his hand brushed my back and my reaction was something I had not expected. I got… turned on. I can't describe how ashamed I am of myself right now. Still! I got turned on.

He must have seen it because he was looking at me like I was some crazy person. Or was he just glaring?

"Hi, I'm Hinamori Amu." I handed him my hand.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto." He grabbed my hand and shook it. This also sent shivers through my whole body.

When he released my hand, his gaze went away from mine. Though before he looked at me as if I was some germ on his food - his precious food.

Ikuto POV

I am most definite that it is her, but somehow she seems different. I need to make sure before I give her the silence treatment. If it is her, I will make sure that she won't find out.

I continued to glare at her. The reaction that I got from her was something I had not expected. Was she blushing? I took another glance. Yes, she is blushing and I can't stop glaring at her. Why do her eyes seem so sad?

I decided to start working on school work. I was far behind and I needed to find out how I could resolve that problem. In the seat next to me there was a girl who seemed nice. I think she was named Sarah.

"Hey, I'm Ikuto and I was wondering if you could help me with something."

The girl looked up at me.

"Sure, what do you need?" She had this sly glint in her eyes.

"I need to know how much I'm behind and I wanted to ask if you could help me?" I gave one of my most inviting smiles. I could use her for other reasons in the future too.

She gave me a confident look. "Of course I can help you. Though do you mind if we take a trip to the computer hall? I can print out some stuff that I need."

"I don't mind." I stood up from my chair and gave that Amu girl one last glare. I'm sure that she saw it because she looked away with a sad and disappointed look in her eyes.

Even though that look made me feel very guilty, I still had to do this. I don't want to have anything to do with her. I glanced at my female working partner. It seems that she saw the non-vocal tension between Amu and I. Though I could not see it, I could feel her staring at my back. Unlucky for her, Sarah did.

"You think that you have style, you little bitch? Watch and see how I take this guy from you."

Amu just looked away.

"Yeah, look away you piece of trash, I saw you staring at him. Well stand in line because I'm first."

With that said, Sarah and I started to walk away. How much I wanted to slap this disingenuous piece of trash. It's one to not like each other, but God! How much I wanted to shut up her foul mouth was another thing. To really finish this picture, I gave Amu one last dirty glare and put my arms around Sarah's waist. I'm sure that this would keep Amu away from me. Now where is that computer room?

Amu POV

Fucking hell! It's like hell has washed over the earth. He keeps glaring at me as if I have kicked him in the balls or something. God, is there anyone normal on this fucking planet?

"Yo Rima, want to look over our homework?" I saw Rima nod and we went to our usual spot. It was a tiny round table with four chairs. Normally Jill would sit with us, but now we have one extra chair which is empty.

Behind us were the class lockers. Nope, we don't have our individual lockers in this damn school. You have to share one.

Ninety degrees to the left there was a door that leads downstairs. Down there you have the big room where one hundred and eighty people can sit and listen to very boring lessons. I hated those.

Ah well, here we are sitting at our table and when we should be doing homework, we did what we always did - gossiping. It's the one thing we do the most and I enjoy it.

"Rima, did you know that when you gossip, your body makes some kind of stuff that is the same as the stuff your body makes when you are pregnant?" I gave a short chuckle at Yaya's comment. It was obvious that it wasn't true. She always knew the kind of weird facts.

"Amu," Rima gave me a worried glance. "is there something wrong? You seem out of it today."

I gave her a short glance, arguing with myself whether or not if I should tell them. I looked from Rima to Yaya and then looked back.

"I have to tell you guys something."

They just sat there waiting for me to tell what was wrong.

"I had sex."

Ikuto POV

"Sorry, Sarah, I left something behind in the classroom." I saw Sarah giving me a glare. She seemed disappointed that I had to leave.

"It's okay, I'll check some things out on the computer."

That went easy. I started to walk away when I felt a tug on my shirt. Before I could even respond someone planted her lips on mine.

It was a kiss that could not even be classified as a kiss. If I described it, I'd say it was like kissing your grandmother. Yesterday, I had lots of better ones. My thoughts gazed to the scenes of yesterday. Unconsciously, I started to moan a bit.

That was a mistake because now Sarah would take this as a moan as reward for her kiss. I had to break it.

I pushed her away lightly. I made sure that I didn't hurt her feelings. Because I didn't know what to do, I gave her one of my smirks. They always did seem to work. This time it worked again. Sarah smiled at me and went back to the computer.

I walked away - out of the computer room to go downstairs. The stairs were leading to the cafeteria, where I could smell the scents of food. I ignored it. I needed my bag pronto. I had to walk this long hall way and I knew that at the end of it there was that place where I sat down with Rima and Yaya. I think those were their names.

It seemed that I was right because I could already hear them talking. What I heard was something I didn't want... or need to hear.

"...and when I woke up. He was gone. After a night of only having sex, he was gone. I don't even know his name. Frankly, I can't even seem to remember what he looks like. This sucks." Amu exhaled with a groan.

That confirmed it. Amu was the one I had slept with yesterday.

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I hope you liked it.

So far it seems really predictable what's going to happen but i promise you... i will somehow manage to make it unpredictable :)

Please review ^^

See u next time

Essitjuh


	3. Chapter 3

Hi people that read my fanfiction.

No i did not forget my own fanfiction I just had so much to do. Get my degree that makes it possible for me to go to university and such

In 1 week i'll be starting university i'm excited (read i'm old T-T (i'm 18))

Well for some that read my second chapter yes the beginning was allready discussed in the last chapter the beginning is what happened while ikuto was walking TOWARDS the classroom.

I hope you understand.

This one is dedicated to my lovely beta, just because she makes my chapter which are crappy when I write them into master pieces :)

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Amu POV

I couldn't believe the non-believing look they were shooting at my direction. Okay, I had sex, big deal. I'm supposed to. It's normal, according to everyone else in this world. Yet, they looked at me as if I broke a federal law. I mean.. awkward much?

"Are you going to say something? Or are just stare at me with your mouth on the floor? It kind of makes you look like fish wanting food by the way."

Rima was the first one to speak. "Oh my God, Amu..."

"Amu, you totally got laid!" Yaya finished.

Damn them not being able to make their comments a little more tactful. It kind of made me pissed off.

"'Getting laid' aren't the exact words. It was way too romantic to let it be called that!" I gave them a glare. "...but maybe yeah, that's kind of what happened."

I felt a blush creeping on my cheeks. Why did I have to go and tell them again?

There was a deafening silence that came our way and I could have sworn I heard someone shifting their weight behind me, but when I checked I didn't see anybody.

Now Yaya broke the silence. "With who? When? Where? How was it?

Rima interfered. "Back to the who!"

I gulped, I really should have rehearsed this. "Um…"

Rima and Yaya both got these puppy dog look in their eyes.

I gulped again. "Um... I don't know exactly..."

Yep. I had to admit it, I seriously did not know who I had sex with last night. I tried to remember his face but nothing worked. They were probably gonna go gaga on me again.

"What do you mean? You don't know?" Yaya almost spat these words at me.

"I was drunk," I admitted. My face got even redder.

They just kept staring at me.

"Okay, can you stop that? It is stupid enough that you are turning into mutes, but now you look like mothers who want to slap their misbehaving children."

I took a breath.

"Look. Just because I had 'great, hot, wild, and sweaty' sex," I said air-quoting those words, "whilst being drunk does not mean I deserve the way you guys are treating me now. You are the ones that do it eight times a day if you had the chance, y'know."

The staring didn't stop, and by now, I didn't think it would.

"Well, we're just in shock, Amu, you've never had sex. C'mon. You are the **anti**-sex. In our imagination it's not possible that you have drunk sex. What's gotten into you? Something must have made you snap. You don't even like drinking. Are you just desperate?" Yaya and Rima were giving me these concerned looks.

"Hold it! Just because I didn't do it yet doesn't mean I am against sex!" I yelled quietly, but not too loud because everyone would notice then.

"Amu. What's with the tone of voice?"

"I was happy. That's why. It felt so good and right, like it wasn't a mistake at all. Now you're here, ruining my mood. Sure. I was intoxicated, I don't remember his name, or what he looks like. Still it felt so damn right to me. I really want to find this guy, whoever the hell he is. So please. I'm asking a small favor. Could you be happy for me?" I felt like I was begging for money from my father.

"Okay," They said at the same time.

"Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say?" Now it was my turn to be in shock.

"Yes, it is all." Rima and Yaya seemed to feel a little guilty for looking at me like that.

"Fine," I muttered under my breathe, still feeling angry.

"Why were you drinking anyway? You are against everything that contains alcohol." Rima's guilty look had been transformed into a concerned one again.

She made a point. Because of my father, I indeed detested alcoholic drinks. I had never told them my story but they knew I hated drinking. "My father's dying."

"What, why? How?" Now they're shocked again. How many facial expressions can one face make in a day?

"He has terminal cancer, and he only has like, three months to live," I lied, but how could I tell the truth? I could hardly accept the fact myself. What if they thought that because my father was mental, I would be mental too? I would lose my friends then!

"Are you going to visit him?" Yaya's voice was soft.

I sighed. "I don't know. My dad lives in the states, and I live here. It's not ten miles up the street."

"What if we come with you?" Rima asked, a bit hopeful.

"No, it's not necessary. If I go, I'll go alone. It's way too expensive. There's no way I could take them with me."

Yaya still beamed a little. "...but Amu, we have this field trip to the US in three months. Wouldn't it be funny if that place were to be close to your dad's?"

I thought about it. To be honest, the prison was a fifteen minute drive from the hotel that we we're staying in. They did not need to know that detail. "Oh yeah! Right... that trip. I can't even see my dad. We must be pretty busy if we're going there from here. Sorry guys, but see... my dad lives in Florida and we're going to Texas. That's a few thousand miles apart."

"Oh, okay..." Rima let out a disappointed sigh.

Ikuto POV

I couldn't keep standing over here. It's been... forever now. I needed my bag. I still couldn't comprehend what that girl said. She did not think of it as a mistake? I've sex before and other women have enjoyed it, but they knew me. She has no clue who I am for that matter. Damn.

I know this is probably not the best time to pop up but I had to get my god damn bag! So I came out of my hiding place. The look on her face is almost pure horrid. She probably assumes I overheard them talking. And what did I do? I glared at her again. Okay say something, say something smart!

"Sup?" Smart move. Out of all comments you could've made, you go for 'sup?'

Amu POV

I've totally had it with his childish behaviour. I seriously don't know what his deal is. I didn't do anything to get under his skin and this has to end right now.

"Is there something bothering you, Tsukiyomi?" I spat his name. "Because I have no clue why I became your object to glare at. So do not sup me, because I am not your friend!"

I stood up from my chair.

Ikuto POV

I didn't expect her to notice my glares nor had expected her to say something about it sooner or later.

"No, you did nothing wrong, your hair colour is just creepy weird." Yup... definitely not my best day with smart comments. "For your information I wasn't asking you how you are because I honestly don't care, I was asking your friends."

"Are you serious? You glare at me... because you don't like my hair? What kind of lame excuse is that?" Amu was now standing in front of me. "You know what, if you hate my hair so much, why don't you take your sorry ass out of my way, and never look at it again?"

"Well you see Hinamori, since we share the same class, I'm forced to look at it?" I know I'm a bit of a jackass at the moment, but it is for the best. I know she wouldn't want to get involved with me if she knew my little secret...

"Why don't you switch classes then, loser?" I could see she was getting sick of my glaring. I didn't know a girl could look that mad.

"Whatever," I mumbled as I just walked away. Like I said, I just went to get my bag. After picking my bag up and other things, I went towards the cafeteria. It seems that they thought that when I am out of sight I could not hear them anymore, because they had started their gossiping again.

"What is between you and Tsukiyomi?"

"Don't know, don't care." Amu scuffed.

"Hey Amu." It sounded like that Rima girl. "What are you going to do about Daniel? You practically cheated on him." Whoa. Amu had a boyfriend. Did not see that one coming, she seemed like a goody two shoes.

"Oh my God. Daniel! I totally forgot about him, oh no! What am I going to do!

"Dump him."

"Yaya, " Rima obviously shrieked. "Can't you use a little more tact?"

"Sorry," Yaya apologized, though she didn't sound guilty at all. "Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if Tsukiyomi was Amu's mystery boy?"

"What! No way over my dead body!" Pfft, if only she knew. "I wouldn't even want to be found dead next to that guy. Even if he was the last guy on earth, I would **not** go out with him. I mean I may have been drunk, but I have enough common sense to be able to not hook up with him!"

I had to admit it, that hurt.

Rima sighed. "Okay, Amu, we get the picture. Though he **is** a hottie, even a monkey can see that."

"Yeah whatever, I just wish I knew what his deal was. I mean it can't be possible that some stranger starts treating you like shit on the sidewalk just because they don't like your hair. I think there's more to this." Wow, that almost sounded caring with a little dangerous edge.

"But seriously Amu," Rima started talking again. "Were you sober enough to think about... protection?"

Wait a second. Now that I think about it… Did we? Oh shit.

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This was the chapter i hoped u enjoyed it

Please leave behind a lovely review

I would like to tell you that i'm a slow updater i think about my stories almost 24/7 but before the best idea for a chapter pops up we've already skipped 2 months.

I hope you understand and will still enjoy my stories

Luf ya

Essitjuh


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